How Are You Growing?

Spring is coming.

Flower buds are starting to come up through the soil. Soon, they'll be in bloom.

I once read that the biggest difference between a flower that's alive and a flower that is dead is that the flower that is alive is GROWING, and that the one that is dead isn't growing. Simple, no?

So, aside from the myriad details of your metabolism and the rate at which your skin cells get replaced each day, how are YOU growing — physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally?

We martial artists have a simple and accessible answer — theoretically, anyway: following the budo, we train constantly, so our physical bodies are always adapting and growing. For our mental growth, learning new techniques, memorizing the patterns of kata, or studying martial arts history or philosophy stimulates our minds and expands our knowledge. Our brains literally grow new connections to make sense of all the information we take in. Pushing outside of our comfort zones, and endeavoring to develop a warrior's mindset polishes and grows our spirit. By training with others, and by facing our own limitations again and again, we come to recognize and appreciate the fragility of the human condition. This fosters within us a sense of compassion. Our hearts grow.

But let us not limit our "growth" to what I affectionately call the "white pajama world" inside the walls of our dojo. If our budo training is going to mean anything in our everyday lives outside the training hall, then growth should happen outside the dojo, too. As my UBBT coach Tom Callos is fond of saying, "My life is my dojo."

What are you doing to grow physically between karate classes? Are you walking or jogging regularly? Stretching, or engaging in cross training — or some other form of exercise?

For your mental development (and balance), what books are you reading besides books on the marital arts? Are you involved in a non-martial hobby? Who are you hanging out with? Have you ever done a sudoku puzzle? (This last one is just an example ... I have never done sudoku. Tried it once. It hurt.)

Spiritually, do you regularly find time for meditation, silence, and stillness? A little quiet contemplation goes a long way: I recommend that you sit and ask yourself one big question a day: Who am I? Why am I here? Where did I come from? Where am I going? If the biggest question you ask yourself each day is something akin to "What am I going to have for lunch?" then I suggest that you have some work to do!

Here's a tough question: How do YOU grow your heart? Help others. Serve more. Listen more. Give a compliment. Withhold a criticism. Over-tip. Dance. Make that donation you've been putting off. Call your mom and thank her. Imagine. Better yet, play – and don't keep score.

And I want to be clear: my definition of "growth" goes beyond acquisition of talent, skill, stuff, or information. That's "getting," not "growing." To me, growing involves collection, absorption, study, embodiment, application, and opening yourself up to feedback. A growing flower does not measure itself against some flower standard of perfection, or against the flower next door. It just reaches toward the sun... and attracts the bee.

Growth (inside and outside of the dojo) requires curiosity, humility, desire, and maybe even a sense of adventure. And patience, too. Information absorbed becomes knowledge. Knowledge applied becomes power. Power shared becomes wisdom.

Or … something like that. Yikes... Perhaps I've started to babble a bit.

Enough reading — get out there and grow. Stretch. And don't forget to stop and smell the flowers every once in a while!

Don't Just Do Something, Sit There!

As part of my New Year's resolutions, I've taken up the study and practice of regular meditation. I'm serious this time — really! Accordingly, I went out back in January and dutifully purchased a few books and CDs on meditation — and I dove right in. [splash]

All the books on meditation come with some simple, basic instructions:

Step 1: Find a quiet place to sit.
Step 2: Sit comfortably but not rigid
Step 3: Pay attention to your breath, and let any distracting thoughts go without attachment
Step 4: Repeat — regularly!

After a month of mostly-steady practice, I thought I'd share some of my observations of the battle I've been waging inside my head:

• Finding 10-15 minutes of peace and quiet each day is proving to be much harder than I thought it would be. I can't possibly be that busy, can I? Clearly my priorities are way out of whack! I got 10 minutes of meditation in today, only because I consciously decided to be 10 minutes late to work. And finding 20 minutes to sit there and do nothing? Ha!


• Reading about meditation is not meditation.


• Thinking about meditation is not meditation.


• Trying to meditate is not the same thing as actually meditating.


• Only meditating is meditating, and I'm finding that sitting there doing nothing is damn hard work. Is it possible that I can be beaten so handily by a tiny little cushion?


• I'm my own worst enemy! Somehow, I've procrastinated, delayed, and otherwise avoided my meditating sessions by searching for all the perfect meditation equipment. Candles, incense, and soft music are nice, but not necessary. Neither are statues, gongs, or even a nice soft cushion for your butt.


• And sitting with a comfortable posture? Impossible! I watch my daughter in amazement as she sits ramrod straight with the royal ease of Kuan Yin. Yeah, a few minutes of that and I'm more than a little uncomfortable. One more reason, my mind says, to give this whole thing up.


• But I'm not giving up. No way: My mind has no idea how stubborn I am.

Oneness, Irony, and Contradiction

Quick funny story:

On my lunch break this afternoon, I ran over to the local bookstore to pick up a copy of Shambhala Sun magazine to replace the one I'd lost — I hadn't finished reading a particular section on improving one's meditation practice before it disappeared, and I wanted to finish the articles to help keep up my motivation to sit more regularly.

As it turns out the issue I was looking to replace wasn't on the newsstand. But, lured in by an article entitled "Peace on the Street," and another, "Procession of Peace, " I ended up grabbing a copy of Tricycle magazine instead. ("No, I'm not a Buddhist, but I play one on TV...")

And since I was in the bookstore anyway, I then wandered over to the martial arts section, where I stumbled upon "Mediations on Violence," a new book that compares martial arts training with the dynamics of real-world violence. Oh, how could I resist?

With my contradictions in hand, I blissfully headed to the register.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I've always said that as modern martial artists, we need to study, discuss, embrace, and embody the values of classical warrior cultures. These values — martial virtues — include respect, compassion, gratitude, patience, integrity, discipline, responsibility, loyalty, courage, commitment, and honor. That's not an all-inclusive list, but it's a good start.

Well, I recently sat at the foot of a master, and learned a great deal about RESPECT. So I thought I'd share some observations here.

The funny thing about learning from "the masters" is that you almost never really know when you're going to run into one. The master I met recently is named Niyi Taiwo, and we bumped into each other (literally) when I attended a local breakfast-time business advisory board meeting. I was juggling a cup of coffee and a plate of cut fruit at the time — it could have been a disaster!

After apologies, introductions, and the requisite polite chit chat, I learned that Mr. Taiwo has spent a great deal of time studying the subject of respect. In fact, he wrote an entire book about it. As the keynote speaker at the meeting, Mr. Taiwo offered a summary of his writings. I took notes:

According to Mr. Taiwo, there are 3 basic kinds of respect. Human respect is our basic sense of self-respect that is bestowed upon us by our parents, teachers and role models. It is also our valuation of others, based on what we have learned about fundamental human value from our parents, teachers, and role models. Positional respect comes from the various roles we play and the titles we hold — across all dimensions of our life. Earned respect is based on other's perceptions of our actual actions, words and associations.

How much respect we give to or receive from another person influenced by each individual's unique value system, and our personal value systems are shaped by a number of factors, including (1) our spiritual belief system, (2) our ethnic culture, (3) our family traditions and generational habits, (4) our own moral code and sense of right and wrong, (5) etiquette, protocol, and manners, and (6) learned standards of acceptance.

The challenge with respect is that with all the inter- and intrapersonal dynamics involved in living a human life, and with all of the unique events that we each experience and interpret, it's impossible for us to all have the exact same value system. So how we go about giving, gaining, and sustaining respect can be a tricky thing. What one person or group values or esteems, another may disregard, despise, or even fear.

Gichin Funakoshi, known as the founder of modern karate, said, "Never forget that karate begins and ends with respect." As martial artists, what do we respect? A good side kick? A nice horse stance? The beginner? The master? Why do we respect someone who moves with power, speed, and grace, or the particular color of a belt that's wrapped around someone's waist? How do we esteem dedication, humility, and quiet confidence? What about the willingness to try new things and fail?

Some questions to ask yourself: What or whom do you respect? Why? Do others outside of your "tribe" of family and social circle feel the same way? Why or why not? Who's right? Who's wrong? And how do you know?

Coffee Talk

The other day, I stopped in at the local coffee shop where I bumped into the owner of the local mixed martial arts studio. We've met once or twice before, and our respective martial arts studios are about a two-minute walk apart from one another. But in truth, they couldn't be further apart.

He ordered a protein supplement drink; I ordered a chai tea. While we waited for our drinks, I tried to strike up a conversation by asking him how things were going at his studio.

"Great," he responded. "I think I've got one of my guys a slot in the UFC. We're just nailing down all the final details for his fight."

He was swelling with pride, and I congratulated him for his student's accomplishment. He then asked what I was up to.

"Things are great at our dojo, too," I said. "One of my students is in the middle of a community service project to deliver hand-made winter clothes to needy city kids, and I just wrapped up a diabetes awareness and prevention training class for at-risk youth at the local grade school."

I must admit that I was swelling with pride, too.

Immediately thereafter, though, our conversation sputtered, and died a decidedly ungraceful death. Never in the history of the world, I think, did two extremely passionate martial artists have less to say to one another!