R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I've always said that as modern martial artists, we need to study, discuss, embrace, and embody the values of classical warrior cultures. These values — martial virtues — include respect, compassion, gratitude, patience, integrity, discipline, responsibility, loyalty, courage, commitment, and honor. That's not an all-inclusive list, but it's a good start.

Well, I recently sat at the foot of a master, and learned a great deal about RESPECT. So I thought I'd share some observations here.

The funny thing about learning from "the masters" is that you almost never really know when you're going to run into one. The master I met recently is named Niyi Taiwo, and we bumped into each other (literally) when I attended a local breakfast-time business advisory board meeting. I was juggling a cup of coffee and a plate of cut fruit at the time — it could have been a disaster!

After apologies, introductions, and the requisite polite chit chat, I learned that Mr. Taiwo has spent a great deal of time studying the subject of respect. In fact, he wrote an entire book about it. As the keynote speaker at the meeting, Mr. Taiwo offered a summary of his writings. I took notes:

According to Mr. Taiwo, there are 3 basic kinds of respect. Human respect is our basic sense of self-respect that is bestowed upon us by our parents, teachers and role models. It is also our valuation of others, based on what we have learned about fundamental human value from our parents, teachers, and role models. Positional respect comes from the various roles we play and the titles we hold — across all dimensions of our life. Earned respect is based on other's perceptions of our actual actions, words and associations.

How much respect we give to or receive from another person influenced by each individual's unique value system, and our personal value systems are shaped by a number of factors, including (1) our spiritual belief system, (2) our ethnic culture, (3) our family traditions and generational habits, (4) our own moral code and sense of right and wrong, (5) etiquette, protocol, and manners, and (6) learned standards of acceptance.

The challenge with respect is that with all the inter- and intrapersonal dynamics involved in living a human life, and with all of the unique events that we each experience and interpret, it's impossible for us to all have the exact same value system. So how we go about giving, gaining, and sustaining respect can be a tricky thing. What one person or group values or esteems, another may disregard, despise, or even fear.

Gichin Funakoshi, known as the founder of modern karate, said, "Never forget that karate begins and ends with respect." As martial artists, what do we respect? A good side kick? A nice horse stance? The beginner? The master? Why do we respect someone who moves with power, speed, and grace, or the particular color of a belt that's wrapped around someone's waist? How do we esteem dedication, humility, and quiet confidence? What about the willingness to try new things and fail?

Some questions to ask yourself: What or whom do you respect? Why? Do others outside of your "tribe" of family and social circle feel the same way? Why or why not? Who's right? Who's wrong? And how do you know?