Beware of the Dream Killers

I recently sat down to catch up with a long time mentor and friend of mine, who asked about some of the things I've been working on. Particularly, he asked about my dojo, and about my plans to expand it by growing our membership and moving into a larger, more expensive training space.

My friend was sincerely curious; He has always given me sound advice. I rely on him because I know he's always got my best interests in mind. But during our conversation, I got the uncomfortable sense that he was hoping that I'd back off just a bit from my ambitious goals. He didn't say these words, but during our conversation I could hear, "Come on, man. Be reasonable. The risk is big, the payoff uncertain, and you've got your career and family to think about... Why don't you just play it safe?"

My dear friend, I hear you. Thank you for your genuine concerns.

My dear friend, I hear you. I promise that I won't do anything (too) rash. I'll develop reasonable plans and strategies as I move forward. I'll be careful, but I can't play it safe. I know there are no guarantees. But I also know that this is something I have to do. It's a calling. I don't expect you to understand.

Move forward I will. Becuase to not move forward would be to deny my own heart. To not move forward would crush my spirit. (Just imagine asking DaVinci not to create!)

My dear friend, I hear you. But I'm listening to my heart today, and not (entirely) to you. Today, I'm playing "all out."

So please, I ask, with all the love I can muster: Get behind me, or get out of the way.

If a picture is worth 1,000 words...

If a picture is worth 1,000 words, then how much is ACTION worth?


Out of the Dojo from Speaking of Faith on Vimeo.

I believe that the martial arts have the power to transform us.

This particular video really resonates with me — it's from Mr. Tom Callos, my mentor and UBBT coach. Like Tom, I believe that the martial arts are more than just knife hand chops. (Don't they need to be?)

But, as I said in my last post, this is only true if we make it so through our words, thinking, and acting. The martial arts have the power to transform us, but only if we're actively — and constantly — looking for the "other" lessons in every class, every repetition, every kata, every bow, every injury, and every sparring match.

And I'll go even further here: if we don't FIND the powerful life lessons inherent in our martial arts training, then might we dare have the courage to CREATE new, original, and meaningful lessons and experiences by taking the essence of our martial arts training and applying it in our daily lives?

Wow, if we could do that, then we really would be "martial ARTISTS," wouldn't we? That's what I think Sensei Richard Kim meant when he talked about becoming an "Artist of Life."

This is becoming the focus of my martial arts training and — for whatever it may be worth — my martial arts teaching, too.

Some Day It Will All Be Over

I do karate. I've been doing it for years and years. THANKS, MOM, for enrolling me in that first class back when I was six or seven.

But some day, it will all be over. I'll take off my gi and black belt for the last time, and collapse into the rocking chair on the porch — with a knowing smile on my face. Thinking back on my martial arts journey, perhaps flipping through an old photo album, I'll remember all the years of tough training, belt examinations, and tournaments. The long trips, triumphs, defeats, and injuries, too. Ahh, the good ol' days...

But more than any of that, I'll remember my friends — my teachers, dojo mates, and students — who took the journey with me, and helped me to grow.

The martial arts are more than just knife hand chops. Everybody knows that. But it's only "really" true if we make it so through our words, thinking, and acting. The martial arts have the power to transform us, but only if we're actively — and constantly — looking for the "other" lessons. I've come to realize that it doesn't really matter what you "do." It's about what you do WITH what you do that matters.

I do karate. Your particular vehicle could be yoga, or African dance, or music, or golf, NASCAR, basket weaving, or ... whatever. I've come to realize that in the end, it doesn't really matter what we're doing — if we seek deeper meaning, value, contribution, and transformation, we will eventually find it. So, where does "your thing" take you?

Today, I can't help but wonder, "What is my 'karate legacy' going to be?" While I've certainly thrown a lot of kicks and punches, the story doesn't end there. (Actually, the story only starts with the physical stuff... it loses its importance eventually!) Karate has connected me to community, to teamwork, to self-knowledge, to making a difference in the world and in people's lives.

I do karate. But, when I'm done with all of this... When I've thrown that last roundhouse kick… When I finally bow into the Big Dojo In The Sky... What will it all MEAN? Will people remember me for my kata performances, board breaking ability, or my side kick?

Geez, I really hope not.

Purpose, Goals, and Indomitable Spirit

This blog entry is an excerpt from an essay I wrote a while back (2004), but it's worth another look! Enjoy!

Ask yourself: “Why am I learning karate?” Some people come to the dojo to learn self-defense. Others come to relieve stress, get in better shape, learn a new art form, or meet new people. What are your personal training goals? If you’re seeking improved fitness, increased confidence, and stronger mental discipline, karate training will develop all of these things! I’ve always said that karate is a journey of self-discovery. So, if karate is a journey — and if some of the benefits I’ve mentioned are the destinations — then what should you pack for the trip?

Indomitable spirit!

Sooner or later, you’re going to a few bumps in the road, and your karate training will bring you face-to-face with one or more of your personal limitations. (Perhaps it’s happened already!) The bumps in your personal karate journey may be the physical limits of your strength, endurance, flexibility, or coordination. A nagging injury may force you to slow down, modify your techniques, or skip a class or two. Your bumps may also be mental obstacles that become manifest as impatience at your lack of improvement, frustration at your inability to master a form, or even boredom from the seemingly endless repetition. The bumps that show up outside of the dojo (stress at work, strained personal relationships, laundry, and all the other things that make up our lives) may also prevent us from getting to the dojo to train for days or weeks.

In the course of your training, the bumps you encounter in the dojo and in life will frustrate you again and again. They may cause you to question why you started karate training (or piano lessons, or medical school) in the first place. If the bump is big enough, you might even be tempted to quit. (I’ve come close to quitting karate many times myself!) The key to getting past the bumps in your training is to train with indomitable spirit!

Indomitable spirit is a combination of inner strength and commitment. It’s what keeps the last-place marathon runner going until she crosses the finish line, long after the crowds have gone home. Indomitable spirit is confidence and a winning attitude. It’s what brought the New England Patriots down the field for the final score in their amazing come-from-behind Super Bowl victory. Indomitable spirit is infinite patience, perhaps best demonstrated by Mother Nature: It’s how the Colorado River carved out the Grand Canyon!

It’s your enthusiasm and dedication that will take you all the way to Black Belt and beyond. If you never quit, you'll never fail! With indomitable sprit, we can press on when things get difficult for us. Keep in mind that our potential is always greater than our performance, and displaying indomitable spirit does not always mean trying harder or pushing yourself past exhaustion. There will be many disappointments on your journey, so relax, humbly trust in the process of your training, and draw on the energy of others whenever you’re tired or frustrated. And, be sure to give your energy and encouragement away when you sense that someone else could use a lift!

The moment that you really want to quit is exactly when you’re about to learn something new about yourself. Endeavor! Persevere! Grow and learn! Rest if you must, and respect your limits, but don’t ever give up on your goals!

Learning to Punch Like a Girl

On any given night at Emerald Necklace Martial Arts in Boston’s Allston neighborhood, the adult students can be found in their crisp white karate uniforms, moving up and down the training floor. In summer's brutal heat and in winter's bitter cold, they punch the focus mitts and kick the padded shields with impressive force. Working in pairs, they throw each other to the ground. They yell a lot, too.

Seriousness fills the air as people strain and sweat. The students are disciplined, and they’re growing evermore capable and confident. They really push themselves. And they’re tough. Every once in a while, someone gets hurt. It's never anything severe — perhaps a bruise, a minor sprain, or a rougher-than-expected landing on the padded floor. It’s this element of real danger that keeps everyone focused and fully in the present. But things aren’t too serious: the heavy mood is broken frequently with smiles and laughter.

These are my students, and I’m proud of the progress they are making. On the surface, this looks exactly what you'd expect to see in any urban dojo (training hall) where traditional karate is taught and practiced. However, there's just one thing that jumps out at you while watching a class at Emerald Necklace Martial Arts:

Fully two-thirds of the members who train at this dojo are women.

This, by any standard, is unusual. Men — and all too often, the male ego that tends to come along for the ride — seem to dominate most karate schools. I asked my students why they thought things were different at our school, and what keeps them coming back.

"I think a lot of women start training in the martial arts for the self-defense aspect," Said Angela D., a Brown Belt at the dojo. Angela has been training for nearly four years. "But there is also a mental toughness that develops from studying karate — not giving up, trying one more time, nothing is impossible. There are still barriers and stereotypes for women to face in the real world, and I for one appreciate learning to be more assertive and determined."

"I see what the advanced students do, and I think, 'I want to do that,'" says Jen V. a Green Belt student. Jen has been training at the dojo for two and a half years. "The group of people in the dojo is really a big reason I keep coming back. Each and every person involved with the dojo is an interesting, well-rounded, fascinating individual. I consider myself lucky to be part of such a group, and I value it highly."

"I think I am more confident in certain areas of my life now," Jen continues. "I don't necessarily walk down any dark alleys, and I don't think I was fearful before, but my attitude is different now when I walk to my car in a parking lot."

"One of the aspects that I enjoy the most about the martial arts is that gender plays no role." Says Joe P., a male Brown Belt at the dojo. "If we're doing things the right way, we should not be using upper body strength to perform our moves. We're supposed to rely on proper technique, which can be as easily achieved by women as men."

"Working with women has changed my preconception of the art, as I always thought that only men were drawn to it." Joe says. "I don't really look at my dojo mates as men and women, but as fellow practitioners."

Outside the dojo, Angela is a graphic designer and mother of two. Jen is a librarian. But you’d never guess their real identities by watching the two of them work out on the dojo floor. (Joe, incidentally, works in real estate finance.) Everyone goes through the same training, regardless of gender, and the criteria for rank advancement are the same for men and women. While self-defense is a big part of what’s taught, our dojo focuses on building character and serving others in an environment of mutual respect. The men in the dojo don’t treat the women any differently — and the opposite is also true!

As for me, I’m really looking forward to the day when someone observes one of my male students and says, "Man, he sure hits like a girl." What a great compliment that will be!